Three babies played on the floor, flashing silly grins and gleaming eyes. Three-year-old Aulona hopped around the room while bouncing a balloon in the air by her fingertips. The apartment was tidy, save for the bright red and green, toy bowling pins spinning on the floor. Pale yellow walls were worn from the play of well-loved children. Shelves took up an entire wall, crammed with books and antiques.
Trashe smiled at the children. She opened her arms wide as she scooped up the babies. Aulona and the three infants have not always been in Trashe’s home. She is their foster mother, and she and her own son, Emanuel, 23, share their home and hearts with them. (In order to protect their privacy, Trashe and the children are only identified by first name in this story).
“I feel great with the fact that I get to raise this child,” said Trashe about the eight foster children who have gone through her home in the past three years. “Get her healthy, teach her things, and the feeling that you can be there for someone who doesn’t have anyone anymore.”
Foster care is the necessary step between the abandonment of a child and adoption by a family. Vehbi Mujku, Director of the Center for Social Work in Prishtina, explained that the process starts when hospitals contact social workers to report an abandoned baby.
“The mother can be known or make some statement to withdraw from a child due to some condition in the home, or they don’t know the father of the child,” said Mujku. “Usually they’re younger mothers and they’ve been abused or trafficked.”
After 31 days of the child being in the hospital, the Center for Social Work is required to place the baby with a foster care family or with SOS Children’s Villages International in Kosovo, which is based in Prishtina.
According to Ariana Shala, Family Based Care Leader and Coordinator of Counseling Center for Children and Family at Risk at SOS, the organization can care for 74 children. This includes of children age 3 and under in short-term care, children up to 14 years old in a home with a trained SOS mother, and children 14 to 18 years old in a youth center.
In the eyes of the social workers, at the Center for Social Work and at SOS, the best home for a child is with his or her own family. Mothers who do not wish to care for their children can choose to transfer legal guardianship to another family member. Children who are orphaned later in life also go through a legal process to live with family members. There are 49 such cases in Prishtina, and about 800 cases in all of Kosovo.
However, many children are unwanted or unsupported by the extended family. While the Center for Social Work prefers defaulting to foster care to community homes for abandoned children, it is nowhere near the norm of life in Prishtina. Currently, Trashe is the only foster parent in the entire city.
Trashe is a natural fit for a foster care mother. She originally studied medicine and then worked in a daycare. When that daycare closed, she decided she wanted to dedicate her life to taking care of abandoned children.
“As a child, I grew up without parents. I was not forsaken, but my parents died at an early age,” said Trashe. “What also inspired me to become a foster mother is because I know how hard it is to raise a child alone, because I raised my son for six years on my own.”
Trashe’s husband died in 2010 of cancer, but she has continued to pour out more love on the children of Prishtina. Trashe stayed busy in between answering questions. After putting the babies down for a nap, she periodically checked on what she was cooking for lunch—the smell was delicious and wafted throughout the apartment. She laughed and talked excitedly with the social workers, using her hands to express her feelings. Faint laugh lines and perfectly cut and styled blonde hair framed her face. When Aulona walked by, Trashe bounced the balloon with her, making her giggle. Later, Trashe brought out a big plate of cold, juicy watermelon with plenty of plates and forks.
She was a gracious host; the same way she has hosted the children passing through her home.
“They usually stay for one year, until they become one year old, until they are put up for adoption,” said Trashe about her foster children. “Aulona has been here the longest, she has been here three years.”
The process to adopt a child is long. First, the social worker has to try to get a statement from the child’s mother that she definitely does not want the child. When they get this statement, they start the paperwork to make the child eligible for adoption, Mujku explained.
In 2014, 18 children were abandoned in Prishtina, and 37 in other parts of Kosovo. According to Mujku, there is no shortage of parents wanting to adopt children. Eight children were adopted in Prishtina last year, and Mujku expects up to 14 adoptions in 2015. There is a list of parents waiting for their application for adoption to be approved.
“We need to contact the family and inform them which are the procedures and criteria, and which papers they need to fulfill,” said Mujku, explaining the evaluation process of potential adoptive parents. “We have age requirements—the parents can’t be younger than 21 or older than 50—and they need to have a medical check, psychological check, do they have incomes, do they have education. We need to do some family visits—some we arrange and some we cannot arrange at all—and talk to people; colleagues, family, people around them.”
While abandoned children are waiting for their future parents to go through this process, they need people who will take care of them.
“The foster care program is made for children with no parents,” said Trashe while touching her heart. “If you’re going to take children who are abandoned, you need to have a big heart, a big space in your heart, because children at this time need a lot of love—all the love and attention they can get.”
Foster parents are compensated for their service. The rate changes depending on how many children afoster parent takes in and whether or not that child has special needs. But the reason that there are not more foster parents in Prishtina is because the price doesn’t match up with the needs.
“They get 150 euros for each child,” said Fatmir Baftiu, who is in charge of the Social Services Division in Prishtina’s Center for Social Work. “If you do the math, it costs much more to take care of each child.”
Mujku recently requested an increase in the payment to encourage more families to enter the foste care program.
“This amount of money is not enough for a child in Prishtina,” said Mujku. “We know to have 150 euros to have one child and you have everything to buy, this is just five euros per day. The need is much higher.”
While foster families in some of the smaller or more rural towns in Kosovo can live on 150 euros per month, living in a big city is requires more.
“The problem is that we used to be allowed to send all the abandoned babies to foster families outside our municipality,” said Mujku. “But now ministry brought some new policy that only family who are within that municipality can go to foster care.”
There are other ways in which social workers want the government to do more, particularly in health care and other forms of assistance.
“It would really be helpful if the state would offer the mothers health care,” said Elhame Hajdari, who is in charge of the Social Assistance Division in Prishtina’s Center for Social Work. “For example, if the government would help them get a job or an apartment—to do more than they’re doing now.”
Trashe acknowledged that she has to contribute extra money while raising her foster children, but she didn’t complain. She had no reservations in becoming a foster mother.
“I felt the children needed a family and need love and passion, so when they go to adoption they have already had it,” said Trashe.
While Trashe talked, Aulona climbed up into a chair at the computer desk. After pulling up a video of the Teletubbies, she started softly singing along and spinning around in circles. She spun and spun until she fell to the ground, laughing.
Trashe and Emanuel have especially grown to love Aulona. Emanuel told stories of the funny things Aulona does, with a look of love in his eyes. One of his favorites was about Aulona and the family’s cat.
“She likes the cat, but she grabs it by the tail and drags it around,” said Emanuel with a laugh. “The cat doesn’t like that.”
With all the love in Trashe and Emanuel’s hearts for the children, Trashe has briefly considered adoption instead of or along with foster care.
“But I already have a child,” said Trashe, her hand on Emanuel’s arm. “There are families who still don’t have children — my wish comes last.”
Foster parents face challenges in raising their foster children, like health issues the baby may have when they arrive or not knowing the full identity of the child, but the biggest challenge for Trashe is parting with her foster children.
“This is the hardest period,” said Trashe with a sentimental smile. “You get to know the children and love them and at a moment they are taken away from you.”
But these hardships are worth the joy that Trashe gets from raising these children.
“The biggest joy is having a child you teach,” said Trashe. “When they first call you ‘mother;’ to watch the child evolve.”
(Holly Wilkerson is a reporting intern at KosovaLive this summer in collaboration with Miami University)
